I've recently had a bit of an epiphany about my relationship with Greg, what love is, and how those two relate with one another. The first three or so years of our relationship were sometimes complicated, filled with a rollercoaster of ups and downs, however, we stuck through it. For so long, I wasn't sure why everything in our relationship had gone the way that it had. I was always wondering, "The first few years of a relationship aren't supposed to be the hard ones, are they?" I had this false perception that it was supposed to be fun, carefree, and romantic and that the hard times would come later once things settled down and we got more serious. But through the stress of us both going to college full-time, jobs, friends, partying, and many other factors in young lovin', this wasn't the case at all. There were multiple times where we had to take a step back. Times where we each, or both of us, had to take time to reevaluate and figure out what exactly we were doing. There were times that were, well, pretty miserable.
But here I sit, after a year of pretty smooth sailing, and look back and realize that every minute of the hardships that we faced was worth it. We now know each other inside and out, we have experienced the best and worst of times together and know how each other handles them. We have seen each other fail and we have seen each other succeed. We know when one another needs you to be silly or to be serious. We realized that neither of us are ever going to be right one-hundred-percent of the time. We learned how to effectively communicate with one another. What a concept, right?
Last week was a stressful one for me. I was so worried about my future schooling and how I was ever going to pull it off that I had no idea what to even do with myself. Once the weekend came, Greg's stress level hit a high point, too. As he sat there and described exactly how he was feeling about life, every single worry and stress of my own started to fade away and I was only worried about one thing: him. I wanted to do anything in my power to help him figure things out and feel better about things. The last thing that I wanted was to see him upset or unhappy. I talked to him, tried to encourage him, showed him the love that I felt that he needed. I just wanted him to be happy and to realize that he can do everything he sets his mind to. He always has and always will, I know that about him.
I can't honestly tell you if the things that I said and tried to do to make him feel better actually worked, only he can determine that. But I can tell you that this moment of clarity changed my life. I realized that I love an individual so deeply that I let all of my own thoughts and problems fall aside for a while in order to concentrate on this person and their happiness. I would rather see myself go through hardships than him, I have the confidence that I'll get through anything that I have to, even if it means putting it on the back burner for a minute or two in order to help him.
And this isn't a one-way street. At the first of that very stressful week, I had tried my hardest to keep everything in and to myself, because that's the way that my stubborn ass is, until one night right before bed I couldn't do it any longer. I exploded in tears, frustrations, and hid my little discouraged face in his arms, only to hear him tell me exactly what I needed to hear. It's amazing that someone else can have complete confidence and faith in your abilities. My worries dissipated and I woke up the next morning with a whole new confidence in myself and in my future.
So this is it. This is where we are. Treading through the shitty troubled waters of life together. And there is no other place that I'd rather be.
Photo Credit /// Natalia Sicsu.
